International Political Will

We had a noon meeting the next day in Kigali, but we were in Fort Portal, Uganda. The woman who sold us the 6:00 a.m. bus tickets said it was only a six-hour ride to the Uganda/Rwanda border. No problem.

Except we found out that a good portion of the trip was on a dirt road (complete with locals digging potholes so that when it rained, they could conveniently show up and help push people’s cars and buses out of the mud – for a small fee, of course).

And then around 2 p.m. (already 2 hours late), the radiator broke. Not to fear – two guys showed up (I’m not sure from where…) and yanked the huge metal part out from underneath the bus. They then flagged down the next passing motorcyclist and jumped on – three men and one huge radiator on a motorcycle. Off they went.

By 4 p.m., we were back on the road with a fixed radiator. But we were running too late to cross the border before dark. Crossing borders and getting a taxi from an airport are two of the most bewildering things you can do when traveling – you inevitably get screwed. Either you don’t know where to go, get a bad exchange rate, pay too much for a taxi, stand in the wrong line, or get taken to the wrong hotel, etc. Crossing a border at night just compounds all those difficulties.

So we stayed the night in a Ugandan border town. We would leave first thing in the morning.

Unfortunately, we were assuming that there would be frequent transportation on the Rwanda side of the border onward to Kigali. There wasn’t. Public transportation in Africa usually doesn’t depart until all the seats are filled. We sat for maybe 30 minutes without another passenger coming along, and realized we couldn’t wait any longer.

We decided that in order to make our meeting, we needed to buy the other two seats in the taxi so we could depart right away. We found an English translator, who told the big, burly driver of the sedan in their native Kinya-rwanda language that we would buy the two other seats if he could leave right away.

The driver replied with an “Aaay” – just like the Fonz on Happy Days – then jumped in and we were off to Kigali. I discovered that the “Fonz response” was the typical Rwandan equivalent of “OK.” I became quite enamored with the reply – it felt both familiar and reassuring, convincing you to trust the person. And when you’re crossing borders and paying for “taxi” rides in dubious vehicles, trust goes a long way.

Some of the white vans used for public transportation in Uganda were certainly dubious. On one trip, while going at least 60 mph on a dirt road, we came up on a sharp right turn. The driver hit the brakes too late, putting us into a 180-degree fishtail. I’m amazed we didn’t flip over. Instead, we just got out somewhat nonchalantly, pushed the van out of the ditch, and we back on our merry way.

Apparently the driver was unfazed. Just ten minutes later – again going 60 mph on a dirt road – he passed an oncoming van so close that it obliterated the driver’s side-view mirror.

It must be a regular thing, because we didn’t even slow down – the driver just continued like nothing had happened.

Having said that, the region is spectacular. The people are genuinely warm and friendly, it’s very safe, the food is good (if you like fried chicken and chips), and the weather is perfect.

Anyway, it’s Friday morning and I’m all out of anything intelligent to say for the week, so here’s 11 random observations from East Africa:

1)    Hippos are fat. Especially when grazing at night outside of the tent just two feet from your head.

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2)    There’s something about coming across a half-eaten zebra leg that makes me think I’m not really all that safe on a bicycle.

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3)    East African beer is far superior to Indian beer (left to right: Ugandan, Kenyan, Rwandan).

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4)    African elephants make Indian elephants look like babies.

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5)    Nobody likes the French – even people who speak the language. This sign was at a genocide memorial in Rwanda. In 1994, French troops set up a base to protect Hutus perpetrators (who were hoping to escape revenge killings since the Tutsis had finally stopped the genocide). The French used the same spot that, just weeks earlier, the Hutus had used to slaughter 50,000 people.

You can read the sign in the front. The sign in the back says “Mass grave of victims.”

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6)    Beautiful hiking in the Rwandan rainforest near the border with Congo.

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7)    Helpful guide, Isaiah, pointing out some pink flowers on the trail. It would have helped more if he would have pointed out the nest of millions of ants before they attacked us. I’ve never seen ants move so fast – past my shoes and up my pants in less than 10 seconds.

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8)    The Murchison Falls on the Nile River in Uganda. No real observation here – just a beautiful spot.

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9)    On the right is the president of Zambia, Rupiah Banda. On the left is his bodyguard that followed him around everywhere. One day, I want to be president of a country and have a bodyguard like that guy. He just exudes intimidation.

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10)    You wouldn’t think a pig would be scary, but I swear that guy with the tusks is sizing me up for a charge. He’s probably already recruited the zebras for the attack.

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11)    Robert Mugabe is an ass. He fucks up his own country so bad that Zimbabweans can’t flee the economic and political chaos fast enough. And then he shows up and signs a treaty claiming he will protect the rights of refugees and displaced people. What hypocrisy.

Tags: Kenya, Kenya, robert mugabe, border, Uganda

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